I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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