Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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