He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you will always have a special place in my vag
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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