Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
