my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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