i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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