one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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