yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
being pregnant is like rehab
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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