i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
don't judge my taste in strippers
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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