ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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