hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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