Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
