I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
