Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
