pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
