I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
