This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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