I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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