I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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