i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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