Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
