I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
