I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I die, sorry about rent.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
