Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
