PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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