This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I intend to get homeless drunk
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
