Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
