there's paper in my vomit.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
