xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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