Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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