I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
