Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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