i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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