woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
