His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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