Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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