So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
