I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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