my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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