Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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