That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
