I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
