Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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