My room smells like vodka and shame
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
