I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
