Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
