Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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