You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
