$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
