proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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