I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
