The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
