We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
